The Art of Words

I wish I had a better way to express myself because words seem to fail me most of the time. Yesterday, I poured everything I was feeling out. Afterwards, I felt better because it was out of me. It still exists, though and when people read an overwhelmingly negative screed about life in general and they are a large part of life in general, it's understandable if they feel like they have somehow failed or done me wrong. The truth is I try to write most of the time without editing myself and just let it flow. So, sometimes I say something and contradict myself right in the next paragraph. For more personal entries, I try not to read over the piece and just post it so I can see it and keep seeing it to remind myself what I was thinking. I'm not going to write like that for a review of a video game or something but it just feels disingenuous to say "I'm going to tell you what I really think" and then go back over it and change it to make it less offensive.

I know it's confusing. It's practically counter intuitive to post things that make me feel better and more focused but that leaves other people confused or hurt. Still, it might happen again and this post will have to serve as a warning until it gets buried and I have to repost the same sentiment in different words. I can't restate this enough: I want to be a better person. To get to a state where I can say "This is who I want to be", there is going to be some purging of all of this junk inside of me and I chose this place to do that. Yes, it happens to be in the same place where I write about stupid movies I watched or dumb stuff in general. It's all here, though because I want to slowly understand what I'm thinking, who I am and why I do what I do. So, if it hurts or offends, let's talk about it. If something I write leads to someone else asking a question that leads to them understanding me or even themselves better, that's better than anything else I can hope for.