It's probably a little bit of a cop out to pick my own name as the J word. The problem is that I don't think I really set any ground rules. Anyway, I think my name is cool now that I've gotten used to it. When I was a kid, I didn't think Joseph sounded good. Joseph was Jesus' dad but I never imagined Jesus' dad to be a cool guy. I always imagined him as a dour, boring guy and that was only reinforced as I grew older. God had sex with his wife or at least impregnated her and then made Joseph raise his kid but then killed that kid as a sacrifice to himself so that people didn't have to keep sacrificing goats and lambs to him. You know what else God could have done? Told the people to stop sacrificing goats and lambs. "You know what, I'm God, I made you all crazy and I assume you're going to sin so why don't we talk about it instead of spilling blood every time." All of that was made moot when Jesus miraculously came back to life after being beaten to a bloody pulp, whipped and stabbed until he was a mangled mush of meat. Alliteration can't make that sentence feel any better. I''m way off topic here.
Wait, one more bible thing. Joseph was also the guy who could interpret people's dreams. He was also the brother that all the other brother's hated so much that they tried to kill(if I remember right) then sold into slavery, then told their dad "Sorry he's dead" and that was that. Then he was in prison. Then the pharaoh had bad dreams and a guy that was in prison with him remembered that Joseph could read dreams but the guy forgot about helping Joseph for several years. So, the pharaoh made Joseph in charge of rations or something(by the way, I'm not googling this, just going on memory from Sunday school). Then his family came in to get rations and he played some kind of prank on them and then he revealed he was alive and everybody cried and then they were all a happy family. The problem I have is everybody was happy mainly because he had all the rations so the brothers could all choke down their murderous blood lust against their sibling or they could starve but I always had the feeling they still wanted to kill him even more because he was so freaking lucky. I could be missing something here, though.
Do you know what "Joseph" means? I do because I like to read so people sometimes buy me bookmarks and bookmarks usually have either animals, rainbows or happy faces with inspirational slogans or the meaning of your name. That's it, that's all the professional bookmark makers do. "Eagle with 'Climb high' pasted over it, which seems ridiculous because eagles can fly so why would they ever climb but whatever let's get lunch." Bam. Best job ever.
The point of all that nonsense was that I owned several bookmarks that reminded me that "Joseph" means "He shall add". That's kinda messed up because this company knows that "Joseph" who has the rainbow bookmark that says "You can do it" and uses it to mark his place in Chronicles of Narnia is a little fat kid. Come one. Just lie to the kid. Tell a kid named Jason or Max or Mason that his name means "He shall add".
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