Day 4: Dude.

There's not a lot of time for foreplay (which is a shame because I do love that sort of thing) so let's get right down to this: I have found the perfect sentence and it is this: "Dude." Yeah, I did just use a double colon, so what? I'm trying to enlighten you here. "Dude." It's so versatile. Did an acquaintances mom just die? Did a car just explode? Are you high? "Dude."

I don't even know what dude actually meant. Something about cowboys calling non-cowboys dudes and then surfers picked it up and then ninja turtles. That's how I was introduced to the word "dude". The ninja turtles called each other dudes all the time and girls could be dudettes. Awesome. However, it wasn't until my cousin came back from California and was an actual, honest-to-god skateboarder, (which blew my 8 year old mind). Well, I shouldn't hype him up too much, he was just a kid who could ride a skateboard but that was already two steps ahead most of the people I knew in early 90s Albuquerque. Anyway, my cousin (Steve) invited me over to play Nintendo one Saturday morning. Steve was, as far as I remember, one of the coolest kids ever and I was a chubby little goon so our conversation was mostly one syllable exchanges and 90% of what Steve said was just different inflections of "Dude."But each subtle shift in tone and pitch conveyed a different meaning.

On seeing the goofy boss from Mario Brothers 2 that shoots eggs at you? "Dude..." On losing to said boss? "Dude." When he handed me the controller, it was "Dude?" and then, when I managed to beat that boss, it was "Dude!" There's no way I can convey just how different it was each time but I do remember trying to play it cool at school on Monday. One of my friends was describing something and I just nodded my head. When he reached a point where I was supposed to respond, I just exhaled a slow "Duuude." Bam. That was it. No, I wasn't suddenly the coolest kid in the school. Absolutely not, that never happened. But I did find the word for when words failed me.

There's nothing that this word can't fit into. I defy anyone to find a situation where it's not appropriate. If you can think of one, then the problem is actually you. Come on, step your game up. Use it right or don't use it at all. No, scratch that. Use it some more, work out the kinks and figure out what you're doing wrong. Keep at it and then you'll see. Then you will see.

Dude.